Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
