You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My hand turned me down
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
