Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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