your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
