So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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