This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
