That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
