Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
