so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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