Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
