Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm like, not good at living.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
