You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we should paint friendship bongs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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