She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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