It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize