white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
