Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
