I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
