So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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