on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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