You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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