she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
