I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
