I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
