I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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