billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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