she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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