Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
