If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
