I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize