Girls should come with a carfax report
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
