I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
