My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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