HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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