Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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