No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
