The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
