Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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