I wish my penis had an off switch
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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