Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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