I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
