i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
