dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
