the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
