$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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