What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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