I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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