Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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