Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
