what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
