I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
