he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
