I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he thought i was a dude.
you win again, gameday.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
