So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
