i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
