What a fucking waste of an outfit
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
