Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
