I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
