i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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