I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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