When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize