So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
