Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
