when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
