I'm going to jail i love you
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
