That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
