you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
