Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
