You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm too high and old for this...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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