just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
