smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
