too bad you live with your parents still
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
