Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they're like a gay fantastic four
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
