Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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