physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I met the friendliest cop last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
