I must be too annoying 4 u.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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