found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
