My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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