And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
