Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
