brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
